Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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