WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
did i just pee glitter
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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