So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Green mimosas i think yes
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
