apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
