JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
