Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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