Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
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I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
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Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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