Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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