are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
