so that wasnt chicken after all
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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