I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
