Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You were trust falling into bushes
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
