Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
