It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
