thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
i think i just lost a toe
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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