Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
