ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
