I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
