Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
