so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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