I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
