saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
