Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
