THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
