is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
