I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
