Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
