two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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