Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
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Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I will pee on everything he values.
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No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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