Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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