so that wasnt chicken after all
I have demons in me.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
