God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
