Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
