it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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