I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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