Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
