Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
