the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
