A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Drunk is not a location!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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