ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
