found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
