and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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