When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
As shirtless as possible
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
