i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
