So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
