my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
