meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
