her vagine was all disorganized.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
