THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Randomize
