Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
