I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
