hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize