i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
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I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
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I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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