the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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