Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
