And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
you had me at cake vodka
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
