He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
