Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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