Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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