dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you mean i was at the winter classic?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
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