Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
